For first-time pregnant moms

If you are pregnant for the first time, you are either caught up in the magic of pregnancy, the drudgery of daily queasiness and the consequent change in your eating habits, or both. You know that in a few months you will become a parent. You are likely looking at how your baby is developing; when the heart has started beating, when the fingernails are present, how large your baby is, and so on. You are probably also thinking about the lists of things you will need, like clothing, diapers, cribs, mobiles, other furniture, car seats, strollers...It's an exciting time.

Truly, there is nothing like your first pregnancy.

But don't get complacent.

Here are some things that you don't want to overlook during your journey:


1. Learn about birth. Even if you assume you will have an epidural, or you really like your doctor, educate yourself. Find out what will happen. Have a backup plan (in a startling number of women, epidurals don't work! What will you do if that happens to you?). This won't be just another day in your life; what happens to you on the day you give birth will affect you and your relationship with your baby. And if you don't know your options, then your options are limited.

You may want to hire a doula, to make sure you have the birth you want.

At the very least, take a childbirth education class. When you go into labor, it is too late to prepare for it. All education is valuable, and with birth, there is so much to learn. Find out what kind of birth you want to have and ways you can encourage it to happen.


2. Find out what you want. What works for one person may not be ideal for you. Stop worrying about criticism and take the time to work out what you want and how to go about getting it. There are few things as frequently and openly criticized as pregnancy, birth, and parenting. It requires courage from you to research your preferences, be open to doing things differently, and do what you believe is correct.

The first year, from conception to babyhood, is full of facing your fears. Do you really want to try cloth diapers instead of disposables? Find out about it! Are you nervous about an epidural and are considering an unmedicated birth? Look into it! Are you thinking about having your baby with you in bed instead of in a crib in another room? Read about co-sleeping! In every case, talk to people who have done it. Find out what worked well and what didn't. Remember that you may be different. You may discover that you don't want to pursue something you thought you wanted, and that's good. Now you know for certain.

This process of self-discovery is so important; the alternative is going along with a random opinion you aren't sure you share, one that shapes your relationship with your child and your style of parenting. The truth is that these things are highly individual and varied.


2. Prepare for parenthood. Getting ready for birth is important, but the shock of what taking care of your own baby is actually like, could be detrimental without some real preparation. Don't schedule trips for a long time after the baby is born. Have everything ready in the month before you're due. Stock your freezer with meals you can easily defrost. Get a support network of friends, family, other new moms, and anyone else you can lean on or call if you need help or advice.

Understand that you will need to let go of all ability to schedule your days (and nights) for a time. Your baby will probably not sleep through the night, and you will need your rest; figure out potential sleeping arrangements.

And realize that every mother had to learn this on her own, just as you will. You aren't supposed to know how to do it all; it's a learning process. You, your baby, and your relationship with your baby are all unique. Have the confidence to figure out what works for you.