Your due date arrives! And...it passes. No changes in your body, or your dilation, but your mood plummets.
Going overdue often makes pregnant women depressed. You are ready to be finished, prepared for labor, perhaps have family arriving to help with the transition, yet you are still pregnant. You might feel like a failure - after all, you aren't doing your job. No baby to show for your forty weeks of effort. If it goes on, you might feel that you will never go into labor.
If this is where you are, take heart. Forty weeks is an estimate, and your actual due date is an estimate too. Your baby will be born soon. Relax, do something fun, like go see a movie. Try to forget that you're pregnant (it doesn't help to dwell on it - thinking about labor will not cause it to occur any sooner - sometimes trying to forget that you're past your due date is good therapy). Your life will change dramatically very soon.
Avoid induction for arbitrary reasons. If you are more than a week overdue, you will need to be monitored by your OB to make sure that the placenta is functioning and the baby is doing fine. As long as everything is going well, do not be induced. There are complications associated with induction, especially in first-time moms, and you and your baby will be better off if you allow labor to start on its own. Your body will be better able to respond to labor, and you will know that your baby is full-term and ready to be born.
If you have family arriving and feel pressured to have a baby while they're in town, please readjust your priorities. Your baby has one chance to be born, and it should be as free from risk and complications as possible.
One word on how labor begins: The baby's lungs are the last organs to complete their development. Once they are mature, they release a protein, and that protein causes the release of other hormones that initiate labor. If you haven't gone into labor yet, it may be because your baby's lungs are not yet entirely ready. Hang in there. You will go into labor.
If you are concerned about the baby gaining weight, there is usually not cause to worry. Ultrasound weight estimates can be inaccurate by 2 lbs either way, on average. Most methods of estimating fetal weight tend to overdiagnose macrosomia (large babies). Do listen to your doctor, but keep in mind that it is ultimately your decision whether to be induced or not.
If you are overdue and there is no evidence of complications:
- Do not be induced. Labor will begin on its own when both you and your baby are physically ready.
- Do not dwell on your pregnancy. Do something fun. Try to forget you are pregnant.
- It is OK to take yourself off the radar for a while. Do not answer the phone or accept visitors, if you are feeling antisocial. You might want to change your voicemail message to say that you are still pregnant and doing fine. Take care of your emotional needs.
- Use the time to finish up any projects or arrangements you haven't yet completed. Make sure the baby's space is ready. Pack your birth bag. Do some cleaning (getting on your hands and knees to scrub a floor is especially helpful to get the baby in the right position for birth!). Or get some much-needed rest.
You WILL go into labor. This is a tough time for you, but no one is pregnant forever. And you won't be the first, I promise!
Updated to include this press release, dated 21 February 2008:
Lamaze International recommends that a woman allow her body to go into labor on its own, unless there is a true medical reason to induce. Allowing labor to start on its own reduces the possibility of complications, including a vacuum or forceps-assisted birth, fetal heart rate changes, babies with low birth weight or jaundice, and cesarean surgery. Studies consistently show that inducing labor almost doubles a woman's chance of having cesarean surgery.
— Lamaze International Press Release
27 comments:
GREAT post. I've been a bit distracted with school and health issues...so am catching up on blogs and will be after finals (which are next week.)
Hh
I was given a shot of steroid at approximately 34 weeks to increase the rate at which the baby's lungs mature (or so I was told). I'm now well overdue, so I'm wondering, if these shots do anything?
thank you! i so feel anti-social and am in a foul, rotten mood right now and i'm only 2 days past due. all i wanna do is shut the door and not answer the phone. your post is helping me get back on track~knowing i'm not the only one who has felt this way! my sister was early w/ all 3 of her kids. my son apparently has other ideas!! thanks again.
I am 1 week and 1 day overdue and feel like my time will never come. I guess my baby isn't ready yet and I am dreading having to be induced as I would like it to happen naturally. I feel very low and antisocial and can't be bothered to speak to or see anyone, but trying to remain upbeat for the sake of my unborn baby.
It helps to know I am not alone, that there are others out there in the same position - although I know we'd all rather be holding our babys.
Good luck to everyone!
Thank you for these words! I am now 4 days overdue which isn't much but when you expect number two to come earlier than the first one (which was one day early) it's quite a bummer. Mom took off work and flew in for a week and here we still are. I can hardly handle the comments any longer "Oh you're still pregnant? When will you have that baby?" I know everyone is just as excited as I am but emotionally it really does take its toll. Plus my dr wanted to induce me one day AFTER my due date and I refused. He said he'd really twist my arm to get me to agree to next week if I still don't go. I'm already 3-4 cm and sure my body will do it naturally but can't help but feel pressured. I do not want to be induced for all the reasons you listed and am hoping for the cooperation and support of my dr on that! Thanks again for posting this.
It is so reassuring to know that what I am going through is a normal reaction to being overdue - 9 days today. I have had a great pregnancy and all of my friends delivered pretty much on time. I too am driven mad by the phone calls and texts asking if anything is happening - its really flattering to know that so many people care but do they think we would just have the baby and forget to tell everyone???
Since yesterday I have been feeling quite antisocial and now cant sleep or eat. I am divided between inducing and waiting a few more days though everyone I speak to seems to think baby is better out than in at this stage so I am waiting to find out in 2 hours when they can take me for induction.
In the meantime, we all need to get outside for some fresh air I think and rely on close friends for comfort and distractions.
Good luck everyone - we will all soon be holding our little bundles of joy.....
I, too, was 9 days "overdue" with my son and now 7 days "overdue" with this one. It is NOT pleasant and I am much more anti-social this time around (last week, I seriously locked myself in the bathroom until my un-invited in-laws left).
I'm too big and tired to do the house stuff I want to do (afterall, we just remodeled the place and I was right in the middle of it - so what if it's only 80% organized). I have a 13 month old, so going to the movies is out of the question. I'm pretty much miserable at home and exhausted just thinking about lugging my little guy and this belly out to do something.
When will it end?
I've taken some herbal remedies that my MW suggested (black cohosh) and I'll let her strip my membranes if I'm effaced. Otherwise, I'm in this for the long haul... it's better for me and my baby.
Warning: DO NOT use black cohosh!!
Black cohosh can thin your blood, which is obviously bad for labor as it increases your risk of hemmorage. I know being overdue can make you want to try anything (I'm there right now too!) but some herbal stuff is dangerous, and you really REALLY have to do your research!!
(If you're absolutely desperate, raspberry leaf tea and primrose oil capsules are safe, as far as I've been able to find out.) Good luck everybody!!
Thank you for this! You've captured exactly what I'm feeling. I had a December 31st due date, so I was hoping for a tax deduction, or a new year's baby, or a baby while family was in town for the holidays, and here I am, New Year's Day, still pregnant.
I'm feeling VERY anti-social and hate hearing the phone ring. All these idiots keep calling to ask if I'm still pregnant- YES I'M STILL FREAKING PREGNANT- did I call you to say I had the baby? NO? Then, figure it out and leave me alone. Grrr...
I feel like crawling up in my bed and sleeping until my contractions start. If they ever start. Because right now it feels like it's never ever going to happen.
Anyway, sorry to rant. Thanks for making me feel less alone.
I was due yesterday, and it's already almost tomorrow. I really wanted to hear some good news at the doctor, but that didn't happen. Now I just feel depressed and all I can do is try to not cry my eyes out. I was a week over due with my first, and didn't feel like this at all, but for some reason I thought this one would be here by now.
I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way, but at the same time, it still is no fun. I am ready to meet my baby, and enjoy not being pregnant anymore.
If I could sleep, I would just sleep until labor starts, but that's a challenge in itself.
Everyday!!! Everyday somebody wants to know, "nothing yet?" and they keep on predicting when its going to be... Today is my due date and I was hoping to be a mom by now. How come other people get a couple of days off their pregnancies, but not me. I'm the one who needs it. I have my own business and need to get back as soon as possible, no work no pay, but nooooo, I have to wait.
My stomach is too big to look good in any clothing that still fits, too big to walk around unanounced. I live in a small town and going to the shop to buy the daily stuff is a mission, because someone will want to know if I am still pregnant. "wasn't the baby supposed to be here already?" Duh!
All that is left to do is to browse the internet searching for clues on when the final due date will arrive. One question; my normal menstrual cycle was longer than the "normal" 28 days. It was about 32 days and I am wondering if that has an effect of the estimated due date of pregnancies. It would be interesting to know if all the other overdue mommies had longer menstrual cycles.
Good luck to you all out there. I'll be here, browsing and waiting for the darn contractions.
So good to know I'm not the only one who is depressed about being overdue (and having to field all the various phone calls and texts from impatient relatives/friends).
And yes, in my irrational state, I was feeling like a failure. Why doesn't my baby want to come out? Have I done something wrong?
I think it's the not knowing that really kills - is he 10 hours or 10 days away? At least I am not alone so thanks for the encouragement.
Thank you so much for this article!
I am now 8 days overdue. My in-laws flew in from Spain about 1 1/2 weeks before my due date (they are here for a month) and every single day over my due date has been pestering me about when am I going to "push" the baby out. Even my hubby has now joined in with them :( I've finally broke down to my hubby a few nights ago saying if he asks me if I'm in pain one more time, he will be sleeping outside in the garden!! My in laws are of course getting quite upset with each passing day that they will not be able to spend as much time with their first grandchild. I understand how they feel, but there really isn't much I can do!!
They are all making me feel like a failure for not having this baby on my due date. Like its my fault - I want this baby out more than them as its me thats carrying this huge bump around! Painful to walk, can't sleep, takes ages to get up from a sitting position, etc...
But I have now come to the conclusion that the baby will come when its ready. I have tried all the natural ways to induce labour - nothing works! Even had two membrane sweeps - still has not worked. My midwife has adviced me that I will be induced 14 days over my due date. I am ignoring my in laws - shutting myself in the bedroom and reading my novels :) I'm having a fantastic time relaxing.
This article has only made me more confident in what I am feeling - so THANK YOU sooo much from the bottom of my heart. I feel so much happier.
I never thought I would be here and researching about being overdue. It's like you never know what group of people you will be having to talk to concerning issuses that we face - that tells us there are varies of groups out there for everything and the problems or difficulties we bare.
My due date is 11/11/08 and I always delivered either at 39 weeks or 39 weeks and 1 day, and similar. I never had to wait before. I was seriously thinking about being induced until now. My fourth delivery they gave me pitocin to enhance my labor- and that was all natural, very painful at the end, but I was more aware and in control of my labor and delt with it strongly - thank God for my mother prayers.
So that went fine with that pitocin. I was blaming the organic raspberry leaf tea at first for strengthing and toning my uterus and that's why my water didn't break first as with all my other deliveries/births. I stopped taking it and saved it for labor and afterwards to help my uterus to shrink faster.
I have my sister coming up to help me and she is waiting and then I went food shopping, prepared the house and baby things and NOTHING. I get those calls too. I even didn't plug in my phone. I get the contractions and then they just go away. I can't even concentrate on my school studies that well - when constantly the labor thing question pops up, "when is my baby coming"? I went for the long walks etc. Now I am going through what so many women are going through- I will just hang in there. My baby will come when he is ready. I cried, Because I am tired of being pregnant. I pray for us all strength to endure for the arrival of our new babies.
Oh, I plan on having this one all natural too.
I am 1 day overdue now. It is extremely frustrating and depressing. I have already begun my disability and am mad that I don't have my baby to spend my time getting to know. This article has made me see I am not alone. I am refusing induction because I believe our bodies know better than any doctor when the time is right. I have moped around the house and have cut off contact with the non pregnant world. But after reading this I have realized I should be enjoying this time. I am going shopping and getting my hair done today. I maybe late but at least my baby will be healthy. hang in there.
Yes, baby will come when they are nice and ready . We are blessed we have gotten this far all we have to do is tough out the last run. I dont even remember my last damn mestrual period. It didn't help when my mom anounced to a room full of people either. I thought late december but not its gotten to " Being induced by the 13 of jan." No problem i thought. But i also believe in my body; im not a couch potatoe but im also not a marathon runner. Her movements have been slowly diminishing but i still keep checking. Shes already in position :) and next time someone asks me if im still preagnant im going to say yes, im creating life. what have you been up to ? i would sugest we all try witty things to say to those people. My prayers are with all the "overdue" women. very good blog.
Thank you for this rational blog. My girlfriend is exactly as you described: depressed, anxious, family and friends worried and anxious too.
We are excepting a baby boy, any day now! :)
Hi, Thanks for this informative piece. The only thing I take umbrage with is the advice not to get induced -- this is not always possible. Here in Australia, if you are 14 days overdue, you will be induced NO MATTER WHAT. I feel as though your piece could make mothers in this position fearful. The reasons for being induced at 2 weeks over are good, and mothers don't need to be fearful of possible ramifications of being induced at that stage IF the baby hasn't made his/her natural way out. There is already too much fear mongering for new mums; it's best if we all accept that sometimes being induced is helpful and done for the right reasons.
June, those are great points. I fear that many women in the States jump to induction as a first option, not realizing the risks or knowing that they have a choice in the matter. Many women think of induction as the course of action to take when you're tired of being pregnant -- usually around 38 weeks. I want to provide a different outlook and some encouragement for women for whom there is nothing medically wrong, they're impatient, or feeling pressured by people around them to do something they don't want to do.
Of course there are good reasons to induce, but it certainly isn't a blanket solution.
I WAS DUE ON 25TH JULY, ITS NOW BEEN 6 DAYS AND SHES STILL NOT HERE!!! IM SO FRUSTRATED!!! I WANT MY DAUGHTER HERE!!! IVE TRIED EVEYTHING, DARK CHOC, LOTS OF SEX, CURRIES, WALKING, CLEANING, SQWATTING, KEEPING ACTIVE, DOG WALKING. NO-WHERE SELLS RASPBERRY LEAF TEA----IM BEGINNIING TO THINK SHE WILL NEVER COME!! AND THAT ALL THESE TIPS ARE OLD WIVES TALES, AND SHE WILL COME WHEN SHE IS 'COOKED' AS MY DAD SAYS. ITS NICE TO KNOW THAT EVRYONE FEELS THIS WAY WHEN YOUR OVERDUE!!! MY PARTNER DIDNT SEEM TO BE VERY INTERESTED IN THE PREGNANCY- NOW D-DAY HAS PASSED, EVEN HE IS GETTING IMPATIENT!!! MY ADVICE IS TO CARRY ON WITH YOUR LIFE AS IT IS FOR NOW, AND FORGET YOUR PREGNANT, AND HOPEFULLY IT WILL POP OUT!!! HEHE XXXXXXXX
I know exactly how your all feeling, i am 5 days overdue and feel like pulling my hair out, doesn't help i hate a teething 14mth old to try and entertain. I had to have a section with my 1st as she was transverse so induction for me is out the question due to the increased risk of rupture, i will probably get a couple more days before they drag me kicking and screaming for another section which i don't want! I hope things will happen soon as i think having another section with a toddler will be worse than being overdue. Hope everyone gets the delivery they hope for x
Thank you for this post. I am currently at 41 wks exactly, and I'm planning a homebirth with a midwife. While she is confident that we can still get things going naturally, I have been anxious, weepy, antisocial and in a foul mood all the way around. This post made me feel better. It reminded me of why I chose midwifery care and homebirth to begin with: because I didn't want to just follow the masses. I want to have a peaceful, natural birth. How I handle being overdue should be a natural extension of that choice. I need to stop fretting and considering induction. I need to relax, distract myself and trust that everything will be fine. (The baby's NST and AFI scans are perfect as is my health.)
P.S. - I agree with everyone else about the incessant inquiries! I actually deleted my Facebook profile because I couldn't take it anymore... and people who have my numbers promptly started texting and calling instead. I feel absolutely no obligation or desire to respond to any of it right now. I will remember this experience and vow never to do that to a pregnant woman who is "overdue".
I love this blog it made me feel so much better because i refuse to be induced i prefer for it to be as natural as it gets and whenever my body is ready. Unless things become too dangerous for baby and i then i will just go with the flow.
Hi everyone, I am 9 days overdue today and feel quite frustrated as I got the pile 2 days ago and its quite painful adding to my discomfort. This is my first baby and scan already suggests the baby is massive. I have been having braxton hicks for a few days now but nothing more. I have another stretch and sweep today, I pray my baby comes asap. Thanks everyone for all the comments. I don't answer the phone anymore and sure have stopped going to church, can't bear the questions.
I'm 4 days overdue and sick of the questions. I've decided to avoid everyone for the time being. Too much pressure. Trying to keep my mind on other things. People can be more anoying than helpful even if they don't intentionally mean it!!
Hope we all carry our little bubs soon!!
just for the record- i waited and waited with my second son waiting for labor to start on its own. i so wanted a natural home birth. i waited until 44 weeks (yes that's right) and still labor didnt start. i went to hospital and had a repeat cesarian (my first son's labor didn't start until after 42 weeks and i had a failure to progress at home so i transferred and was csectioned). my second son was 10#4oz (first son was mid 8# i forget exactly).
so just in case someone reads this-- labor doesn't always start on its own & sometimes you do need help!
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